A Bird-Brained Guide to Thanksgiving

In four days, it will be Thanksgiving, a holiday where hundreds of helpless turkeys are slaughtered and cruelly eaten. That's why we have compiled this handy list. It tells all of you turkeys what to do during this horrible holiday.

~A Turkey's Guide to Thanksgiving~
a list of helpful options for scared turkeys

1. Temporarily move to Brazil- it has a nice warm climate and thankfully only Americans celebrate Thanksgiving.
2. Come to my house- we are having a nice thanksgiving party--I mean, uh, turkey refuge party and we would just love to have you over.
3. Dress up- some disguises you could use are: chicken, a funny looking man with a pointy nose, a mascot for a sports team, a piece of furniture. These are all simple easy disguises you can use in a pinch.
4. Join the TRP- the Turkey Refuge Program (TRF) is a program just for all you confused turkeys out there who just want a home during the holidays. It sends you the address of different vegetarian families around the States who take no part in this barbaric holiday and will take you in as part of their family.
5. Write a petition- standing out on a busy sidewalk, taking signatures and addresses, and finally sending it to the White House to ban Thanksgiving-- what could be more patriotic to your cause? Beware that this method could lead to you becoming a dinner somewhere. After all, as we have shown in the above picture, there are millions of Americans who will attack and capture a helpless turkey.
6. Lose some weight- getting thin might stop the thought of a plump juicy turkey from running through people's heads.
7. Stay inside- this one explains itself.


Well, as you can see, there are lots of options for frightened turkeys such as yourselves. Following this list, there is no need for panic as Thanksgiving draws closer. Have a happy Thanksgiving! *evil chuckle*