This is the story I wrote about before. The first three paragraphs are what I posted before, except edited, and the rest is new. Any comments or constructive criticism would be highly appreciated. Enjoy!
Once upon a time, in the kingdom of Übel, there lived a king and a queen. They loved each other very much, and ruled with wisdom, but they were barren, and wished exceedingly for children. The years went by, and
the royal couple finally received the glad news: the queen was with child! After
much waiting, anxiety, and fuss, the time came for the birth. But alas, as a
new life was born into the world, another was taken out of it. The queen died
on this day of happiness, turning the king from a wise, loving man to a sad,
foolish one. He refused to look at his new daughter, and sent her away to the
farthest corner of the kingdom. And so the princess, Kalida, grew from a baby
to a little girl and from a girl to a woman, 16 years old with only a passel of
servants and noblemen to guide her. She was often lonely, and still the king had
no wish to see her. But one day, all changed.
Malin was hoeing the potato field. He was a peasant, living on the king’s land. He
had been working since breakfast, and he was pretty tired. He decided to take a
break, leaning against the hoe. Malin was seventeen, not a tall boy, about
middle height. He had fiery red hair, all his fingers and toes, and most of his
teeth. But that was okay; a lot of people had no teeth at all. His name meant
“little warrior”. Humph, he thought, some warrior, all I am is a warrior of weeds. Malin began the work again, going at it
with renewed energy. He never thought he could be anything but a peasant. But
he was wrong.
Kalida sat on her horse and waved to the passing people. She was a beautiful girl,
black haired with lovely indigo eyes. She was dainty as well, the very picture
of a princess. All who met her said she was the image of her mother. She liked
to ride around on fine afternoons, greeting her future subjects. On this rather
grumpy looking day, passing one of her potato fields, she felt she couldn’t be
happier than to be Kalida, riding on her white horse throughout the lands. I’ll have to turn back before too long,she decided, I’m getting too far away
from the castle. A shadow passed
over her and she quickly looked up. A large black cloud was over the sun, and
she heard the distant rumble of thunder. All of a sudden a strong wind blew up,
lightning split the sky, and the rain came pouring down. That certainly was hasty, Kalida thought. She wheeled her horse
around to gallop back to the castle… and suddenly, as the lightning flashed, a
man with a hoe against his shoulder passed unexpectedly in front of her horse.
The horse reared in fright, throwing Kalida off of its back. She saw the man’s
frightened face, his red hair flashing as he tried to grab her horse, then she
crashed to the ground and knew no more.
up, miss!” The voice drew Kalida out of unconsciousness. She opened her eyes, and
groaned softly. “My head hurts…” “There
you go,” said the voice encouragingly. She felt her head being lifted up, and
something soft was put under it. Kalida opened her eyes all the way, and
discovered that she was in a ditch on the side of the road. It had stopped
raining, but the sky was still overcast. She quickly looked up. The owner of
the voice was smiling down at her. He was the same man, no; he was a boy, who
had startled her horse. “Where did my horse go?” she asked, turning her head
rather dizzily. The boy waved his hand in the general direction of the palace.
“Somewhere over there, I believe.” He smiled. “I’m Malin, by the way.” Kalida
tried to rise, but she was much too dizzy. “What am I supposed to do now?” she complained. I have no way back to the castle, except
walking. And that could be a couple of miles! It might start to rain, I’m so
dizzy…Kalida thought. She had no idea of how kind some people are, having
not much experience in the way of her father and his courtiers. Malin tipped
his head. “Well, I’ll help you home, of course. Did you think I wouldn’t?” “I…
I wasn’t sure.” Kalida felt a little uneasy at this stranger’s generosity, but
at the sight of his lopsided grin, she was reassured. She tried to get up, but
as soon as she put weight on her leg, she fell down again. She looked up at
Malin apologetically. “I don’t think I can walk on it,” she said. Wordlessly he
lifted her in his arms, wrenching her ankle. She promptly fainted.
Kalida awoke, her squinty-eyed, suspicious governess was standing over her.
“Oh, you’re finally awake,” the lady said, throwing up her hands, “I was almost
afraid you were—well, dead.”“Yes,
I’m awake,” Kalida sighed tersely. Her head still hurt. She looked around
expectantly. “Where’s Malin?” The governess frowned. “Long gone, I suppose. I
didn’t like that boy.” She shivered. “Something about peasants makes me
rolled her eyes. “Oh, come, now. He was a nice boy.” She sighed again. “I wish
he would have stayed.” But by the next day, she forgot about him and all the
other peasants as well. She was called to her father’s castle.
king paced angrily up and down in the throne room. Kalida watched him, kneeling
on the floor as the custom required. A group of scared courtiers stood huddled
to one side. Suddenly he turned to stare at her. “My darling daughter,” he
whispered, sounding as if he did not quite mean it, “I have a request to make
away, your majesty,” Kalida smiled. Inwardly she was fuming. What kind of a world is this when daughters
have to address their fathers as ‘your majesty’? She thought. The king’s
eyes narrowed. He went on. “I want – no, I need—the Dragon Diamonds.” Kalida
gasped. So did the courtiers at the other end of the hall. The Dragon Diamonds
were the most precious stones in the entire world, and very beautiful. They
belonged to the kingdom of Eitelkeit, away along the coast of the Green Sea.
If you were ever to go on a quest to retrieve them, you first had to travel on
a very rigorous journey to the Dragon’s Castle, which was very heavily guarded
by, of course, an enormous and fierce dragon. Then, if you ever got past the
dragon, there were several well-trained guards at the Diamond room in the
castle, ready to strike off your head at the slightest provocation. And even
then, if you got past them, there was
a sleeping giant holding the diamond box. He would wake up at the slightest
footstep he heard. A quest for the Diamonds was rather impossible. So you can
imagine why everyone in the room gasped as they heard the king’s request.
However, Kalida was a very brave person, so all she said was, “How soon do I
start?” The king burst out laughing. “I knew you would be brave enough!” He
thought for a minute, tapping his finger against his chin. “Of course I will
not send you out alone… I suppose I will advertise for two brave peasants to
accompany you. I’ll have to knight them, but that shouldn’t be much trouble.”
Kalida lit up. She knew just the peasant.
Do you have any title ideas that I can use for now? Perhaps something like "The Quest"?
Grace be with you,