Wednesday, April 6, 2011

The 'quest'ion is, what do you think?

This is a story I am writing. It's about a quest. This is the beginning, just to introduce the characters. Remember this is raw material, no editing or anything like that. Here goes:

Once upon a time, in the kingdom of ┼░bel, there lived a king and his daughter, Kalida. Now, the king was not a very nice man. He was greedy, rude, deceiving, and most of all, foolish. But he was also a sad man. The queen had died ten years ago, when Kalida was only four, and the king had loved her very much. This was probably when he started becoming greedy, rude, deceiving, and foolish. The worst of all of this was that the king taught Kalida in his ways, which meant that Kalida was rather spoiled, proud, headstrong, and stuck-up. She was also kind, loving, gentle, and merciful. This made for a pretty good princess.

Malin was hoeing the potato field. He had been working since breakfast, and he was pretty tired. He decided to take a break, leaning against the hoe. Malin wasn’t a tall boy, about middle height. He had fiery red hair, all his fingers and toes, and most of his teeth. But that was okay; a lot of people had practically no teeth at all. His name meant “little warrior”. Humph, he thought, some warrior, all I am is a warrior of weeds. Malin began the work again, going at it with renewed energy.

Kalida sat on her horse and waved to the passing people. She was a beautiful girl, black haired with lovely indigo eyes. She was dainty as well, the very picture of a princess. Some said she wasn’t really pretty, just charming. She liked to ride around on fine afternoons, greeting her future subjects. On this rather grumpy looking day, passing one of her potato fields, she felt she couldn’t be happier to be Kalida, riding on her white horse throughout the lands. I’ll have to turn back before too long, she decided, I’m getting too far away from the castle.  A shadow passed over her and she quickly looked up. A large black cloud was over the sun, and she heard the distant rumble of thunder. All of a sudden a strong wind blew up, lightning split the sky, and the rain came pouring down. Kalida’s horse reared in fright; she felt herself thrown to the ground, and then all went black.

What do you think so far? Should I continue? Should I post more? What should its name be? Let me know your opinion.

Grace be with you,

Abby :D


Cori said...

I really like it!! I think you should continue it and post more! I would love to know what happens to Kalida and how malin fits into the story!

Anonymous said...

I really like it.

Just a few suggestions,

I think you should tell a little more about WHO Malin is in the paragraph about him.

Yes you should continue.


guinevere said...

Awesome! I love Malin's thoughts. =D Just a thought- nearly every story uses "And then all went black." I've started using alternatives like, "The world spun and darkness enclosed her." "There was nothing but pitch-black."

Sorry I haven't been around in forever; your posts don't show up on my dashboard!